Malu dan solusi?

Malu lah!

Apa yang ditulis jauh sebatu dari apa yang dibuat.

Lagi gila malu, apa yang tak dicakap, dijanji tidak pernah terbuat dan tertunai.

Dan nak tulis ni pun, entah kritikan pada diri sendiri ni pun, macam tak 'makan' je. 

Malu betul. 

Malu dengan dua benda. Yang atas, yang dalam. 

Solusi?

 

Semenjak sudah letak jawatan ni, lapang lah sikit dada. Tu pun berat lagi ada Rogova atas dada ni ha, sesak dengan cycle clinical pharmacology. Bagus tu bagus cikgu ni rajin kuasa 7 petala langit. Minat betul dia dengan subjek dia. Aku? Entah apa aku minat pun aku tak tahu dah. Respek. Cikgu kejam but at the same time masih baik dan encouraging. Susah nak cari this kind of quality, especially in russia. Padanlah muda muda dah dapat Professor. Aku? Sumbat 1 international guideline pun dah menyampah, baik tengok Love You Mr. Arrogant. Ceyt.  

Ok lari point. 

Sejak letak jawatan ni, ada kelapangan nak buat banyak benda. Tapi lepas apa yang berlaku ketika perasaan tidak 'dihargai' datang ketika majlis perletakan jawatan, rasa malas nak contribute tu malas. Aku ni memanglah nak semua perfect, tak boleh ada halangan. Aku tak suka ditentang sebab itu menyebabkan aku nak menendang, literally. Mungkin, aku perlu berhenti terus blogging, semua social network aku, dan mula melakukan benda, dengan tangan sendiri. Keyboard tidak dikira. 

Sebab apa?

Yang nak adili aku bukan benda yang aku tulis pun. Benda yang aku buat. Dah yang ditulis dan dicakap pun bukan berilmiah, berfaedah, memang tak lah macam segelintir manusia lain di laman sosial, rajin benar 'share' pautan-pautan berfaedah. Aku malu nak share. Rasa tak layak. But good for them, at least I read em :)

Jadi, tutup semua dan mula bekerja shall we?

Sebab apa aku tetiba macam ni?

Bila aku menonton satu video ini: 'Homeless guy makeover'. Quick short video. Pretty much simple. It was just about a homeless guy, undergoing some hair, and a bit of clothing make over. Walla, he looks good, what better, he he feels good, and what best, he will always be good. Pray for him.

But then, that video made me think. Shortly after watching the video, I began to think, and re evaluating myself up this point in my life, and asked "Have I done something, even as simple as this?"

Certainly I said no. That is a big deed, though that was simple as many people can do it. But that 'many' people who said they can do it eventually always end up, sadly, didn't do a single thing. Im not talking about others, it's bout me. They are me. In doing something good, it doesnt matter if you can do it big or not, because what matters is that, you do what you can, as much as you can even though it is small in others eye, but it is such a big thing in your eyes. 

Start doing, dont start saying.

P/s starting a periodic hiatus plan. Wish me luck!