Sunday, May 6, 2012

My father

Salam,

Watched a live 3D laser show here in Volgograd, and it was my first time watching a real firework that I can finally say it is the best firework ever in my entire life. In front of my eyes, I can look for every single beautiful thing. Beautiful sky, trees, flowers, girls, firework, or even the 3D show that I just watched tonight. All of them are beautiful. But, in my mind, the most beautiful thing is my father.

I am so deeply impressed with him. I can't imagine being in his shoes 20 years back.

Born in Pinang Tunggal, the place where I live now, and started his education there too, Mr. Hasan Bin Omar was really a dedicated father of mine. For him, his education is a priority. He finished his primary school with 4A and managed to enter boarding school, Sekolah Sains Bukit Mertajam, the best school there in Penang. Ever since he entered there, his father (my grandfather, Mr. Omar) pampered him with many things. Every single week or month, Mr. Omar always visited his son there in school. It was nothing wrong, because Mr. Omar was just potraying his proudness of his first child that managed to enter boarding school. But my father started to get a lil bit more 'comfortable' with his pampered condition.

He began to play more than study. In the end, he failed his SPR or PMR (currently) and was kicked out of the school. Of course, it wasn't a nice memory being kicked out of the school, but no one to blame, but himself. He was determined at that time that, he wanted to change his fate back. Anyway, after finishing his STPM exams with inadequate credit to even enter a univeristy at that time since all the 6 universities were too limited for the registration, he decided to go to Kuala Lumpur, trying to be more independent. He knew that, his father and mother were really poor. This is not a lie, they were really poor. Dissappointed by his act back then when he was in form 3, he really needed to get back from the fall.

The first profession that he took was a driver mesin yang angkat barang2 (IDK in english) in a store. There he worked his ass off day and night. But at that time, inflation and economy were really poor, and as an effect, he was fired. He knew that risk. Again, being stress up was really not an option for him, because his family needed him, to support his brothers education fee and stuffs. Every month he sent his money RM 200 (which was really huge in comparison to that time currency) to his father and mother. Mr Omar and his wife were just a farmer and estate worker. Their daily allowance was just small. Mr Omar at that time too, worked as a part time construction worker. Mr Omar didn't fast in Ramadhan because he was too tired after coming back from work. He must gain money to buy his children a baju raya each, even if only in second hand bundle shop. Every single hari raya. A discipline.

Then my father took his second job as a worker in an insurance company. He put all his effort into this work, and he even took an accounting class to succeed in this area. But, again, economy really was really trying to pull his leg off. He had to again change his job. This time as a worker in UIA. While working there, he got married to my mother. There, his spirit towards education was still not stopped. He worked over time, and he always stayed up in library to learn about computer programming, without even owning a computer! He was so deeply interested with computer programming and even he watched silently a computer programmer who was doing his job. To learn, he took everything.

He again needed to change his job (I was born when he was still working there in UIA). Pressured from the job and his in-laws, he really tried to focus on his responsibilities. He took PETRONAS job. There his life had been better. At that time, he was convinced that he wanted to go back, and do something towards his village. Then he stopped his work, and changed his job to a telecommunication company named as TMTouch (now is Celcom).

Life never going to be easy.

At that time, he moved to Penang, and I was 4 years old, and my brother 1 year old. The thing that I will remember the most was this incident:

*melihat aku sedang buka buku , di bawah lampu tidur*
*berjalan ke arah aku selepas menunaikan solat*
"Tengah buat apa?"
"Tengah belajar (masih pelat KL lagi time tu). Abah apit nak meja belajaq"
"Nantilah, doa bagi abah kaya dulu, nanti abah buat meja study"

Simple dialog, but last forever in my memory. He always encourages his children to study. No matter what cost he has to take. No matter how stupid his son was, because exams are just exams. My father looks toward 'effort' more than the 'result', which rarely seen in today's parent. But, for me, I can't even bare to show my bad marks to my father. Never! One thing about father which I adore is, he never let his family to be in such a comforable condition until it is the time. He didn't build a huge house first because he wanted to teach us the meaning of living in a small house. He wants us to feel what it is feel like to be poor.

And now I already grew up, and soon going to be a doctor. I don't know even if I am going to be a doctor, can be a good 'doctor' like him. He sees future, I don't. He takes his responsibilities very well, I don't. He contributed to the village (which now the villagers hate him because of some political issues), I don't. He teaches us the meaning of life, and I barely can even see me teaching others the meaning of being kind (simplest thing ever). Me to him, its like black and white. Totally different! That's why I can't even think about marrying a person because me myself still is not a responsible man.

That's why when you see me with plain face, don't simply judge me being to serious or scary face because I was taught to be serious and enjoy my life in such a very proper way. I can't smile because there were a lot of things happened during my childhood that traumatized me, and every single memory of it can't be cleaned just like that. I know I am mentally stressed up. I think a lot because I need to think a lot for my future, what I can do to other people that can benefit them. I don't want to simply die leaving nothing.

Is it just me, or other don't know me yet. Many people still don't know me.

p.s: I'm being honest to myself tonight. Right now, I'm too stressed up with the past memories.

*sigh*

Salam.


4 comments:

  1. patut ah muke siyes je slalu...
    ;p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha saya adalah terbalik dari anda. macam happy di blog, tapi di luar kenyataannya berlainan 100%. anda adalah dalam blog sedih muram makan sentap kapak segala bagai, tapi di luar manis dan happy orangnya. sangat salute okeh! ^^

      Delete
  2. aynn: kan? so lepas ni boleh panggil anak pak cik hasan ni sampah. oh ya, lupa nak cakap, mak aku pernah puji ko cantik (?) sebab terjumpa ko time kat dalam kereta time interview SPC dekat mrsm berseri dulu. -.-" (just nak menyampaikan tanpa motif)

    ReplyDelete

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