Assalamualaykum,
Agak lama jugak tak menjenguk blog ni. Menjenguk tu sebenarnya agak kerap, tapi pointless, nak tulis rasanya sudah tidak berprioriti dah blog ni. Sebab apa? Aku pun tak tahu. Tapi dirasakan malam ni agak sesuai untuk memblog sesuatu. Sesuatu harus bermula semula. I need a fresh start. Reset and start all over again!
Tukarlah berjuta ribu kali theme pun, tetap jugak aku tak mampu nak stick on. Macam tu jugak lah aku dalam real world. Sejak kebelakangan ni aku merasakan aku terpisah dari badan aku. Entah badan aku buat apa, entah aku buat apa. Rasa 'unparallel' dalam satu badan. Pelik. Ke orang lain pernah rasa benda macam ni jugak? Perasaan yang bila masa badan melakukan benda baik, tapi hati masih lagi hitam berkilat gloss. Rasa macam mahu belajar, mata fokus, dahi berkerut, tapi hati tidak juga terterima ilmu yang ingin dibaca.
Ni simptom apa ni?!
Ah, I hope that someone can help me with this, since I seriously don't know.
Or this is the 'futur' that Abe Zul talked about in our usrah once? Maybe.
Okay, lemme tell you guys something. A few updates that happened for the past few months. Well it was kinda unusual because I usually write all the secretive stuffs in blogs, as I become much more older, the less I write. To say that I am matured enough, I would PROUDLY say NO to that. I am still immature. I know myself better.
1. To love someone, and to 'try' to love someone are 2 different things. 2 totally different things. You cannot force yourself to love anyone. It comes, when it comes. I found it pretty hard to do that. And with that, I made a really big mistake. Thank you Allah, I hope I made a right decision, at the right time. I have to know what I actually love, and that, has not to be just 'anyone' but 'anything'. For now, it's anything but that. To be just a someone average in study, perhaps, I have to work my ass off in everything. EVERYTHING. But it has to be one by one.
"Love comes, when it comes"
2. I had my practical few weeks back. Well that explains much of why I didn't update my blog even though I already passed my exams. It was a tiring practical. And it is not because of the practicals, it is because of the cats. Yes, the cats! It was so unfortunate to take care of them since all the troubles they make, every single day! Anyway, perhaps, this is somekind of tarbiyyah, from Allah to cope with my patience level. Heh. Ok, continue back: Like I said, I had some practical weeks. They were really good. First 10 days was awesome.Most of the time, we medical students did watch some operations, but being able to understand what operation and the technique used, is another matter. Learnt a lot, but I have to say, that I am a little bit disappointed since I didn't get any chance to assist in any of the surgeries. But Mr. Panin was good, and his advice is what something that will never I forget: "If you want to be a surgeon, you have to move". I know that I lack of something: the good brain like the geniuses have, but take a look at Lee in Naruto anime series, he hasn't any talent at all, but hard work and perseverance somehow helped him to achieve something. And to quote a sentence from 'Team Medical Dragon', the main character Dr. Asada Ryutaro said to an Surgical Intern who hasn't any talent, but really a hardworking guy: "It is not the smart people who makes the world moves, it is the average people. Smart people give ideas only".
"To be part of an idea, is great. To be part of making the idea a reality, is the greatest"
3. My second 10 days, opened my eyes in many ways. In wayyyyy many ways! Maybe most of the practical students in Malaysia really got a lot things compared to me, but for me to be able to do a lot, instead of being theoretically know a lot, really meant something to me. And what's the most important thing I learned is that: Empathy towards patient.
I am so amused with the surgeons. Most of the surgeons have the technical ability, sharp minds, cool minded, calm as ever (until certain limit). But the lack of something: empathy. And that most of the therapists have. And I never like Therapy much (but that whats am I gonna be eventually after I graduated -.-") since I have a very stone cold-hearted. I guess, Im good with being a surgeons, be it Neurosurgeons. But being that makes you less sharp of what are you treating. "Treat the patient as if you want yourself to be treated". Simple words, but it was for me to get into my heart, eventually. But, later on, during the practical, we found a very rare condition, a stage 4 rheumatoid arthritis, where we saw fully severe distortions of upper and lower extremities. Rheumatoid arthritis is one of the manifestation of this systemic disease, which it affects not only the joints, but also internal organ. Looking at his blood test, his creatinine level is way too high (400) that we know, he is on the way to kidney failure, and unfortunately, he is suspected to have amyloidosis. All of sudden, all of these things that I learnt before, APPLIED! But that patient was nice to me, he talks with us, make some jokes (though most of the time I don't really understand) but I am so touched that I see him happy all the times. He probably gonna meet his 'end' soon enough and there's nothing the doctors can do since he has kidney damage (no drugs can be administered since it will make it worse), no money (he doesn't work due to his disability), And that was the time I am really touched. The moment you see the good in someone, that you feel somekind of bond with someone, and suddenly it will end. Soon enough.
I felt so helpless at that time.
But Im sure a lot more Im gonna face during my work, soon in Malaysia.
"Empathy"
4. I think that's all for now. Let's look forward. I have to plan something for my 1 month and 10 days holiday. Pray to Allah for everything that He did good to you, and pray to Allah that for the bad you got, there is something good behind it. Really, Allah knows everything.
Agak lama jugak tak menjenguk blog ni. Menjenguk tu sebenarnya agak kerap, tapi pointless, nak tulis rasanya sudah tidak berprioriti dah blog ni. Sebab apa? Aku pun tak tahu. Tapi dirasakan malam ni agak sesuai untuk memblog sesuatu. Sesuatu harus bermula semula. I need a fresh start. Reset and start all over again!
Tukarlah berjuta ribu kali theme pun, tetap jugak aku tak mampu nak stick on. Macam tu jugak lah aku dalam real world. Sejak kebelakangan ni aku merasakan aku terpisah dari badan aku. Entah badan aku buat apa, entah aku buat apa. Rasa 'unparallel' dalam satu badan. Pelik. Ke orang lain pernah rasa benda macam ni jugak? Perasaan yang bila masa badan melakukan benda baik, tapi hati masih lagi hitam berkilat gloss. Rasa macam mahu belajar, mata fokus, dahi berkerut, tapi hati tidak juga terterima ilmu yang ingin dibaca.
Ni simptom apa ni?!
Ah, I hope that someone can help me with this, since I seriously don't know.
Or this is the 'futur' that Abe Zul talked about in our usrah once? Maybe.
Okay, lemme tell you guys something. A few updates that happened for the past few months. Well it was kinda unusual because I usually write all the secretive stuffs in blogs, as I become much more older, the less I write. To say that I am matured enough, I would PROUDLY say NO to that. I am still immature. I know myself better.
1. To love someone, and to 'try' to love someone are 2 different things. 2 totally different things. You cannot force yourself to love anyone. It comes, when it comes. I found it pretty hard to do that. And with that, I made a really big mistake. Thank you Allah, I hope I made a right decision, at the right time. I have to know what I actually love, and that, has not to be just 'anyone' but 'anything'. For now, it's anything but that. To be just a someone average in study, perhaps, I have to work my ass off in everything. EVERYTHING. But it has to be one by one.
"Love comes, when it comes"
2. I had my practical few weeks back. Well that explains much of why I didn't update my blog even though I already passed my exams. It was a tiring practical. And it is not because of the practicals, it is because of the cats. Yes, the cats! It was so unfortunate to take care of them since all the troubles they make, every single day! Anyway, perhaps, this is somekind of tarbiyyah, from Allah to cope with my patience level. Heh. Ok, continue back: Like I said, I had some practical weeks. They were really good. First 10 days was awesome.Most of the time, we medical students did watch some operations, but being able to understand what operation and the technique used, is another matter. Learnt a lot, but I have to say, that I am a little bit disappointed since I didn't get any chance to assist in any of the surgeries. But Mr. Panin was good, and his advice is what something that will never I forget: "If you want to be a surgeon, you have to move". I know that I lack of something: the good brain like the geniuses have, but take a look at Lee in Naruto anime series, he hasn't any talent at all, but hard work and perseverance somehow helped him to achieve something. And to quote a sentence from 'Team Medical Dragon', the main character Dr. Asada Ryutaro said to an Surgical Intern who hasn't any talent, but really a hardworking guy: "It is not the smart people who makes the world moves, it is the average people. Smart people give ideas only".
"To be part of an idea, is great. To be part of making the idea a reality, is the greatest"
3. My second 10 days, opened my eyes in many ways. In wayyyyy many ways! Maybe most of the practical students in Malaysia really got a lot things compared to me, but for me to be able to do a lot, instead of being theoretically know a lot, really meant something to me. And what's the most important thing I learned is that: Empathy towards patient.
I am so amused with the surgeons. Most of the surgeons have the technical ability, sharp minds, cool minded, calm as ever (until certain limit). But the lack of something: empathy. And that most of the therapists have. And I never like Therapy much (but that whats am I gonna be eventually after I graduated -.-") since I have a very stone cold-hearted. I guess, Im good with being a surgeons, be it Neurosurgeons. But being that makes you less sharp of what are you treating. "Treat the patient as if you want yourself to be treated". Simple words, but it was for me to get into my heart, eventually. But, later on, during the practical, we found a very rare condition, a stage 4 rheumatoid arthritis, where we saw fully severe distortions of upper and lower extremities. Rheumatoid arthritis is one of the manifestation of this systemic disease, which it affects not only the joints, but also internal organ. Looking at his blood test, his creatinine level is way too high (400) that we know, he is on the way to kidney failure, and unfortunately, he is suspected to have amyloidosis. All of sudden, all of these things that I learnt before, APPLIED! But that patient was nice to me, he talks with us, make some jokes (though most of the time I don't really understand) but I am so touched that I see him happy all the times. He probably gonna meet his 'end' soon enough and there's nothing the doctors can do since he has kidney damage (no drugs can be administered since it will make it worse), no money (he doesn't work due to his disability), And that was the time I am really touched. The moment you see the good in someone, that you feel somekind of bond with someone, and suddenly it will end. Soon enough.
I felt so helpless at that time.
But Im sure a lot more Im gonna face during my work, soon in Malaysia.
"Empathy"
4. I think that's all for now. Let's look forward. I have to plan something for my 1 month and 10 days holiday. Pray to Allah for everything that He did good to you, and pray to Allah that for the bad you got, there is something good behind it. Really, Allah knows everything.
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