What you can give me...

So apparently, my birthday is tomorrow. Great. And I'm gonna have to buy my friends tomorrow in a not-yet-decided restaurant. Tradition. Since there is no one is reading this blog, and I;m not the kind of guy who tell people that my blog is updated or not, plus after much of thought been put in either should I blog this or not, so I decided to blog this. Tee hee.

Anyway, back to the story. This coming birthday somehow shows me, how really OLD I am right now. I mean, I'm turning up to 21 years old is really a big thing of my life. Apart of not being able to marry anyone *tiba-tiba*, really being 21 is really like an indicator. Indicator on how maturity is needed ahead of me, well at least should be ahead of me. I've been living for 20 years all these while, and yet, I think I'm still immature. Either in some global issues, or even (most of the times) in small ridiculous issues. I'm not writing this out because I some sort of 'promising' that I will be more mature, but, I just wanna say, how my life has really turned me into, and how exciting is my life, and how it can be more exciting in the next period of my life?

Outside, I'm a dull person, with dull face expression. Looked so much 'stressed up' from the outside, and with messy appearance, and unpredictably outspoken guy. Well, that's what I love about my life. I don't need to be someone else. I think over everything too much. Sky, leaves, kids on the street, family, games, water- every single thing that you could think off. And I you ask me how random is my thought, I'm gonna say almost every 10 minutes I have a new unrelated random idea, which I don't know can be useful or use-fool. But hey, thats our brain supposed to work right?

And, it has been 4 years since we celebrated birthday my 409/509 classmates back then when I was in MJSC Langkawi. It has been a meaningful birthday, because when I was in Form 1-3 in MJSC Pasir Salak, no one would ever celebrate my birthday. Well, no big deal since I was no one there but a fierce guy to talk to. Though rumors spreaded too in Langkawi about how 'fierce' I am, well I just had to get over it, because things happened for a reason. And I'm the one who was supposed to be blame. I have a complexity of feelings when it comes towards dealing with persons opposite to my gender. The reason is, its really awkward to talk, to stand front to front, or even to stand a sight! Hish, how loser I was (and still I am).

Ouh, it was the first time I ever celebrate my birthday with my friends when I was form 5. And plus, receive a wish card from classmates :) which I keep in my file neatly. Many other unrelated random thing that I keep in that file too. You know, just for memories. Their values increase with time. And since then, my birthday had its up and down. There was the moment when I really feel sad since I wasn't able to get over some of the problems. Well this year, I just hope it's gonna be great, not necessarily the greatest.

Sigh, how much I miss how 6-years old me playing happily, instead of being serious about my life now. Well, time really moves. Fast.

Actually I'm gonna put my wishlist over here. But, I'm just afraid that it will sound more pathetic. So, no.

oh wait!, Maybe yes kot!

OK, my wishlist are:

• Moga Allah lindungi aku, keluarga aku, guru-guru aku, kawan-kawan aku. 
• Berkatilah pelajaran aku, sesungguhnya aku niat aku menuntut ilmu aku adalah kerana Mu ya Allah, kerana aku, kerana ibu bapa aku, kerana keluarga aku, kerana masyarakat dan agama aku, dan negara aku, moga aku menjadi orang yang lebih berguna untuk masyarakat. 
• Murahkanlah rezeki keluarga aku, kawan kawan aku. 

Although I always mocked my teachers back then, the thing is, I have always make du'a for them. Because teachers/lecturers are still teachers/lecturers, even a bit of their ilmu is still an ilmu. And I'm not restricting my du'a to those teachers who are REALLY teachers, but for those who even taught me how to write, how to remember certain mnemonics, to cook, all of them are teachers! Well thats just me, and I'm not being hypocrite. I'm never gonna change. 

Well this is just long. 

Salam. 

I'm still gonna post my wishlist. Please don't find it.